holy cow

dumb title I know, but in all honesty I don't know how else to put what I'm feeling right now. Three nights ago I was almost crying over life stuff and just being confused. Africa specifically is where I was struggling the most. I stayed up late in Charleston Friday night after going to a formal with Sarah Moon, she told me that up until last semester she had never surrendered her life truly to Christ, we then had a very good convo about what it means to follow Jesus, in which I'm sure I may have sounded like a whiny baby venting over how my situation was with the Africa trip.

After we talked I went into the living room where I was sleeping and I realized how lame I can be. Sarah had been one of my best friends for more than a year and not once had I taken the time to have a 5 minute conversation with her about how her walk with God was. Someone else did, and now she's changed forever, it was so encouraging yet so convicting talking to her. I layed there questioning my own character as a so called Christ Follower and just thought of countless things that I have let go wrong. Last summer feeling energized and totally on fire I was ready for a campus takeover of USC, now with only 2 weeks left I don't think I've had a real genuine meaningful conversation with more than 1 or 2 non believers.

I'm laying there not able to fall asleep and just asking myself and God what went wrong, I had a good long vent about it all with God and eventually he comforted me enough to fall asleep. I told him that I really needed to know whether or not I was the guy he wanted to go to Africa or if I just wanted to glorify myself.

The next night for whatever reason coming back from Charleston I decided that I would stay here in Columbia for a change and go check out First Baptist with Michael and Rob because they had told me some good things and I've been meaning to go like all year. Matt Mays was with us and he stayed in my dorm room and we had yet another amazing convo in which I just poured out to him all the stuff that I was scared about and so insecure about. I hadn't been raising the money, I still don't have a renewed passport or all the immunizations, and important paperwork was due Friday which I just mailed today and I could go on and on. I prayed to God that if he wanted me to go or stay that I needed to know something soon, because I was literally freaking out.

They started a new series Sunday at First Baptist the talk was a big talk on how more than %40 of the world still hasn't been reached with the Gospel. In the end there were two ways to respond:
1)They passed out cards to pray for a foreign country where the Gospel needs to be advanced
2)They have an account with Thousands of dollars that they like to empty out to help people who have been called to go to these places. All you have to do is fill out the application.

I nearly had a heart attack. Eight hours ago I'm begging God to show me something, and instantly he humbled the mess out of me. Not only that but now he's just showing off, from people who I talked to today at Mount Horeb I'm getting $600. Tonight I saw the movie Invisible Children about child soldiers in Uganda with Gretchen and she called me about an hour ago (at 11) and said that from various people and even her sorrority I have at least $300 more coming and she was pumped up about it.

It is insane, and that's from 2 sources in one day. I mailed 15 support letters so far so I really just have no clue what God is gonna do, but he definitely has overflowed my cup and got me to shut up in a hurry. Tomorrow I get the passport made and then Friday I get the shots I need to travel, and then I'm pretty much set. I just know God is all over this and I'm more than ready to do whatever it takes.